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The void doesn’t ask. It beckons. Then it pulls.

I was sitting in the cab one Sunday…going to my friend’s place…with the world moving around me.

Everything was slipping through my fingers. I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded like a war drum, and tears streamed down my face, but they weren’t just tears—they were everything I couldn’t understand, everything I was too afraid to feel. I froze. Terrified as fuck.

My whole body locked. I couldn’t process it.

Why?

In the months leading up to this moment, I had been slipping into the void at odd moments—unbidden, unexpected. One minute, I’d be here, fully engaged in life, and then suddenly, there it was—bam!! Nothingness.

In that space, there was no past, no future, no form. No boundaries. It didn’t make sense, and it terrified me. Even in my first Shamanism class, when my teacher asked us to visualize our souls, all I could see was the void. The feminine. But for some reason, I could never stay in it for long, I’d be pulled away within a few minutes.

I didn’t understand it then. What it was…what it meant.

Until the day of the cab ride…I suddenly did.

The void was calling me again. I didn’t know it then, but the void was calling. Not gently. Not passively. This time, it wasn’t letting me run.

The void is a place before space and time. Before anything manifests, it’s actually where things un-manifest. It wasn’t a place, not exactly…more like a frequency. A vibration I didn’t yet have language for.

It’s where everything begins. From where the universe is created. Where creation and destruction happen at the same time.

But the deeper I went into it, the more I fought it.

In that cab, I felt the familiar grip of fear. I clutched onto what I thought kept me safe. What had always kept me safe. It felt like I was holding on to everything I knew—the pieces of my life that made sense, the ways I had learned to navigate the world. It was slipping away, and I didn’t know what was left.

I asked myself:

“What would it mean to let go of all of this? To step into this void, with nothing but trust?”

The answer didn’t come through words. It came through the deepest part of my soul. And I could hear her, steady, clear:

“It’s time. You have to let go of all of it, Shruthi. Everything you’ve been holding on to in order to feel safe. You can’t carry old safety into new worlds, Shruthi. You have to leave it all behind.”

I panicked. The fear was deafening. I did realise that “what got me here, will not get me there”… but I felt like a 2-year-old bratty child, clutching mud in hand, shouting, “NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO”.

My soul, the bitch laughed! And kept laughing!

Not in a hurtful way, though.

In a “What do I do with this woman??” exasperated with love way.

Over the cab ride, my mind eased its control, my soul gently sat next to my mind, and they had their conversation. I think primarily what my mind was freaked out about was:

“What does this even mean??!! Is this all in my head?? What does this mean in reality? Should I just stop running my business??!! How will I earn??”

But that’s when I heard her again. My soul.

“Have I ever let you down before?”

I hesitated. The mind screamed “yes,” pulling me into the old stories of fear, loss, and doubt. But deep down, I knew. The truth was simple: No. She had never let me down. Not once. She had always guided me through the dark, held me in ways I could never have imagined.

Then do that now too. We will discover one step at a time and move forward. And she also led me to the next step (conversation for another day).

And that was the moment.

I let go.

I don’t know if I understood what it meant, but I surrendered. I felt a shift in my body, a release. The fear didn’t disappear, but it stopped controlling me. I stayed with it. I stayed in the void. I stayed.

It was what happened on Tuesday that was magical. I was journaling the fuck out of my diary, because it felt like in 3 days my life had toppled. I was trying to make sense of shit and feel it in my body…and another vision hit.

I am a deep-sea diver.

These dark waters are my home. I feel beautiful, safe, secure and absolutely right here.

Initially, I was terrified to enter the waters. It started as a toe-dip, to swim, to being underwater for longer and longer periods over time. But the catch? I kept coming up to breathe. Every time I sustained my breath longer than before, initially, I used to feel uncomfortable, but then I got used to it. Even as I stayed under longer, I always came back up. Still seeking air, still believing I needed it.

Yes, I was moving forward (my destination was a white glowing energy at the bottom of the ocean). Yes, I always dove again inside. Yes, I was proud of my progress.

But now? I suddenly knew that to reach my destination, I couldn’t keep going to the surface to breathe anymore. I had to stay inside the water. In the intense discomfort.

I heard: “You are safe here. You’ve always known how to breathe underwater. You’ve just forgotten.”

Tbh, at a point I felt like dying. The panic rose exponentially.

Then, within the blink of an eye and what felt like millennia at the same time, I am breathing again. UNDER WATER!!!! What??? I could always breathe underwater?? I always knew???

And in that moment, I knew: The safety I had been clinging to—the surface—was an illusion. I had always been safe. The only thing I needed to do was trust. Trust in the water. Trust in myself. Trust in the unknown.

Yes, yes, Universe…I got your message!

As though that wasn’t enough, that evening, when I was in my first coffee chat with Teri Leigh 💜, and shared my vision with her, she said she sees almost the exact dream multiple times every year!!!!

Two weeks have passed since that day, and things haven’t stopped being chaotic, but I’ve never felt more at peace. I’ve been cleaning my home, decluttering my mind, and feeling the world around me in a way I never have before. I’ve been living in the stillness, even amidst the noise. I’ve found my centre, and now, I know that the void isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about being.

And here’s what I’ve come to understand: It’s not the external world that needs to change. It’s me. I don’t need to fix anything. I don’t need to figure out how to get there. I just need to be present with myself. I need to sit with the silence, even when everything else is moving. It’s the stillness that holds the answers.

For so long, I tried to explain myself, to justify who I am, what I do. I needed people to understand me, to see the space I held. But now? I don’t need to explain. I don’t need validation. My presence speaks louder than words ever could. And those who are ready—clients, friends, collaborators, soul mates—they will meet me. In this frequency. In this space. When the time is right.

I don’t need to become anything. I already am. That’s the paradox. And it’s beautiful.

Now, I walk forward with trust, taking one step at a time. Not knowing. Not needing to know. Just being. And that’s enough.

Always.